Jolly Good, Wot?

My very British name is Amanda Chamberlain.
Take The Very British Name Generator today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

Metaphysical Slogan of the Day

-

I'm blogging this.


-
Inspired by Lehmunade

Can't Hardly Walk

Bought a pair of boots over the weekend. It's nearing the end of winter, and I got them on sale: $19.99 instead of $69.99 list price. I know these claims of 'list price' can't be believed but this is the best damn pair of boots I've ever seen, let alone owned, and it makes me feel even better to think I got it for 70% off.

They're leather (augh, I know) and they're soffffft and a bit shiny, the best kind of muted shine there is. Shin high. And here's the killer: 4-inch pencil heels. Oh, God.

It kills me to move around in them. I doubt I could walk as far as the grocery store across the street and back without ending up howling in agony. And even then I'd take an hour to complete the trip, at my pace in these boots: I have to look out for every tiny crevice in the almost non-existent sidewalk because my heels can get stuck in anything. I walk with about as much grace as Sarah Jessica Parker does in her insanely high shoes in Sex and the City.

But this, too, shall pass. I will learn to walk in these lovelies, and then all will be shooky shooky. I will begin to wear skirts again, six years after swearing off them, because my legs are the legs of a nymphette in my boots.

For now, I am practicing by wearing them to school every day.


***

And forgot to tell you guys that Chapter 2 of MM is up on Olympe. Chapter 3 is being beta'd.


.

Site Stats

Most popular searches that lead people to my blog:

• "Hugh Jackman"
• "Nandini" (Back on Google's 'Feeling Lucky' feature, hah!)
• "Sophie's World" (I reviewed this ages ago)
• "Hilary Swank SAG Speech" (Didn't know people were so interested)

(Of course, by mentioning these here again, I've just increased hits... *walks off whistling*)

Weirdest searches that lead people to my blog:

• "USA & UK Botiques" (?)
• "what is ethnocentricism" (jeez, look at the geeks out there)
• "mother of mackenzie jean murray" (I wonder who forgets the mom's name but remembers the daughter's.)
• "mamma" (??)

("Naughty Secretaries" was funnier.)

Day-of-the-week stats:

• Day that drives people to my blog: Wednesday (15.99%)
• Day people would rather do other things: Saturday (11.09%)

(Which is good, because it seems at least my readers have a life.)

Who visits this blog?

• Faithful Regulars (nimbupani, ratana, lehmunade, artanis, sidharths, ashwink etc: THANKOOOO)
• Random Regulars from: Poland, France, Spain and UK (if you're in this category, I wanna know who you are, so say aye!)
• People linked to me from: http://rightho.com/india, http://www.nimbupani.com/, http://www.sidharths.com/ and http://www.sugarquill.net/forum/index.php.
• 2 people each from Lithuania, The Russian Federation, Ukraine, Taiwan and Sweden (say AYE!)
• 1 person from Nicaragua who's actually a regular, averaging one visit a week. Please say aye!

Wedding Blog: Getting past the blushes

Meh.

So the boyfriend and I have been too caught up in freaking out over the impending wedding to think about any sort of post-wedding life. As far as he's concerned, especially, it all ends at: "Let's not think about marriage right now" and "Aarrghh, I'm going to die if I have to wear a suit in that heat."

But over the past weekend, I've started to take a few tentative steps forward. Last Friday I wondered aloud where we should go for our honeymoon.

Long silence. Then,

Boyfriend: "Hmm. Will we have time?"

Yours Truly: "Well, we're going to be in India for like a month and a half."

B: "Let's go to Goa! Oooh..."

YT: "But... it's May!"

B: "... cashew feni! It's amazing! ..."

YT: "I'm not going to walk willingly into a blazing hunk of sun and ask for a sunburn."

B: "... feel like you're in a totally different country. It's all Portuguese, you know.."

YT: "OI!"

B: "What?"

YT: "We're going in MAY. Would you prefer me baked or fried?"

B: "... considering the fat content of your body, I don't think I'd have much of a choice.."

YT: "Yeah, yeah. Let's go to Kashmir."

And here we proceeded to get into a relatively major squabble over whether to go there or somewhere else, whether to fly there or take the train, how long we should stay etc.

It was much later that I got round to thinking: how in the name of heaven am I supposed to inform the necessary parties of our plans? Six months ago, when my mom and I were watching TV, and a kissing scene came on, we changed the channel. Am I to walk up to her and casually mention that I've got my honeymoon all planned out, thanks very much? *GLACK*

This marriage business isn't as neat and clean as it looks. I doubt my parents will simply wake up one fine morning and suddenly be comfortable with the thought of their daughter... you know. Not fair, man. This sort of stuff should be understood.



PS: Chewie, no gift, OK? Just show up, because that would be awesome. At the very least, I'll have something to say when the boyfriend boasts about how many of his friends are showing up for the wedding. Mind you, numbers on my side will be more than made up for by the percentage of my extended family that will show up (cultural differences between my family and his) - but at the risk of sounding rude, I hardly know them.

Heh!

"The not-so-golden snitch": Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone

And here's Chamber of Secrets, also totally hilarious. Quote:

Filch: This is a DEAD CAT!

Harry: No, she's just resting.

And later on, when Harry's hanging out in Dumbledore's office...

Fawkes: FWOOOM!

Harry: Great...they're gonna pin this on me, too.

Dumbledore: Don't worry...he's not dead, he's just pinin'. And usually, he's got lovely plumage.

*Wipes tears of laughter*

In Fond Memory

What can you say about a man who died this day, 30 years ago, who wrote in words such as -

Gussie, a glutton for punishment, stared at himself in the mirror.

"Guk," he said reservedly. A man has to answer snakes when they speak to him, but he is under no obligation to be sunny.

Dogs are philosophers. They soon forget.

There was a good deal of mud on the policeman's face, but not enough to hide the wounded expression.

Here's to PG Wodehouse, 1881 to Feb 14, 1975. May the aunts be avoided and the butlers never cease in their admirable advice.

Wedding Blog: An Appointed Hour

It was three days before the end of the Fall semester, with 2 major exams still to go, and a project due the next day. I was overworked and completely frazzled, and that, no doubt, was the reason why I forgot to take my cell phone with me that day when I left for school.

I got back home at around 6 pm, hungry and dizzy from having dashed off a project report in 3 hours flat. There was a voice message waiting for me on my phone.

"Hi Nanda..."

Ah. My mum's voice. (I will kill anyone who laughs at my nickname.)

"We met his parents with a purohit yesterday, and fixed your wedding date. It's the 18th of May. I'll call you later. Bye."

*SPROIIINNNNNG*

(Which, as you may have guessed, was the sound of my mattress springs revolting against the sudden, sharp descent of my butt onto it.)

I tried to make coherent sounds from my mouth for a while, and then I tried to remember the boyfriend's work phone extension number, and failed at both.

When my roommate came in a minute later, she found me sitting at my desk and staring at nothing. So she said, "What's up?"

I told her I was getting married on May 18th, yes, May 18th, it's all fixed, my mom just left a message in my voice mail saying so. Then, all of a sudden, I was crying, and my roomie was perpetrating her own assault on the mattress springs.

About 10 raving minutes later, I pulled the strings of my sanity together a bit, and, having recalled the boyfriend's extension number at work, I called him and told him the news. He took it really well. "Oh, really? That's nice."

Which started me crying again.

***

(4 hours later, on the phone)

"Oh, #@$#, I can't believe my mom just left a message like that. So coolly. Oh my God, we're getting freakin' married!"

"...*Groooaaan*..."

"What, what's that supposed to mean?"

"Aah... nothing... just..."

"WHAT?"

"Umm... do we really have to do this in summer?"

"...."

"Summer in India sucks. Summer here is great. People all over the world are going to be coming here for summer, and I'm going to-"

"...."

"No, no - it's not like that! I don't not want to marry you... it's just... Can't we get married in December?"

And that was when I telephonically killed the boyfriend, thereby removing the necessity for a wedding at all.

Wedding Blog

Nimbupani said to me in an e-mail yesterday:

I think you ought to maintain a marriage journal, it will be hilarious to read! Now that I think of it, I like it more and more. Man you should! Especially creatures like you getting married the conventional way...

Ah. Her wish is my command. Methinks she overestimates my non-normal-ness, really, so try not to pin all your hopes on the 'hilarious' part of her request. I'm doing this for a more... shall we say... Socratic reason: Socrates tried to document the stages of his death as he sipped hemlock, and I - I'm doing something similar. I will try to document another of those paths that we all must someday take.

Highs and Lows of the Week

1. The Lady or the Tiger? (A short story by Frank Stockton)
From the very first line, it's genius.

In the very olden time there lived a semi-barbaric king, whose ideas, though somewhat polished and sharpened by the progressiveness of distant Latin neighbors, were still large, florid, and untrammeled, as became the half of him which was barbaric.

Wow... just wow.

Just one small problem. You'll know what it is when you read the story (it's in public domain, having been written about a century ago). Damn. I'm still thinking about it. But the writing is still pure genius.

Which reminds me...

2. A book reco: 21 Great Stories
Without a doubt, this is the best anthology of short stories I've ever read, and this includes Roald Dahl's complete Tales of the Unexpected. In fact, some individual stories in this collection are such gems that I'd place them on my master-list of top ten best pieces of writing ever - Eve in Darkness by Kaatje Hurlbut, Footfalls by Wilbur Daniel Steele, So Much Unfairness of Things by C. D. B. Bryan and Leiningen Versus the Ants by Carl Stephenson. The last two are my favourites, and I'm still reeling from the impact of reading them.

I mean it, you know - all four of these stories make it on my top 10 list of the best fiction things I've ever read, along with the third Harry Potter book, Catcher in the Rye, Ibsen's A Doll's House, To Kill a Mockingbird and Gone With the Wind. If I could lump it all together and treat this as one book, it will be the BEST BLOODY BOOK I HAVE EVER READ. Not kidding.

And I haven't even finished it. There're four stories still that I haven't got to: one by John Steinbeck called Pearl, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, which I need to re-read, one called Eveline by James Joyce and What Stumped the Bluejays (chapter 3 of A Tramp Abroad) by Mark Twain. Talk about a killer line-up. I can't even stomach it - I've been reading it at the pace of two stories a day, one as soon as I wake up, and one before I go to sleep.

Need I urge you to go find a copy of this book? Me, I'm probably going to buy this book in bulk... from now on, everybody's going to know what to expect for a birthday present from me. If you're expecting a gift from me, that is. ;)

3. And, possibly as a result of this continuous onslaught of cruelly Perfect Prose, my writing has stalled. In capitals - S-T-A-L-L-E-D. And you know what? It's NOT BLOODY FAIR! I like all the stuff I'm in the process of writing, but all I do is stare at a blank screen all day... or else I churn out utter garbage. I just want to die.

4. Passion of the Potter?
I thought I'd seen 'em all: Hermione/Snape fics, Harry/Voldemort fics, Dumbledore/Malfoy fics and even a memorable McGonagall/Mrs. Norris one. But here's an idea: how about a story where the Trio rescues Jesus from Golotha, and brings Him back to Hogwarts to fight Voldemort?

Yes - my reaction exactly. The story is 3 chapters long, for the moment, and Jesus has already made my Gary Stu Hall of Fame: He has moves worthy of Jackie Chan crossed with the Matrix people ("My children, the Lord wants you to turn the other - HEE-YAH! Right, what was I saying?"), He has neatly explained away His ability to speak English ("The Father gives Me the ability to communicate with all His children"), and he's got rid of Moaning Myrtle, my most favouritest ghost in the HP universe ("She belongs in My Father's Kingdom"). I shudder to think what romantic plans the author has for the Son of God. Jesus/Ron, anyone? (AAAAUGH!)

Perhaps I'm missing on the full shock effect on account of being an atheist and decidedly NOT Christian... but I suspect not, because the void God leaves in my life is more or less filled by Harry Potter. Consider me suitably scandalised.

Note: Commenting facility has been shifted to blogger, because Haloscan randomly eats stuff after a couple of months. Plus, Blogger is now allowing anonymous commenting, and Haloscan-like popup windows for commenting. Which I like, for some reason.

Pics

Has Lehmunade seen this? (Oooh, baby.)

Has Artanis seen this? (Oooh, baby - even if there's a suggestion of *yuck*Jackie Shroff*yuck* in here.)

Has Ratana seen this? (Oooh, baby - because who could have thought you could actually be sexy with greasy hair and a hooked nose?)

*triple swoon*

Quiz

Huh. Try this quiz out.

Me?




.... Revenge with Draco by ur side....
.::pRiNcEsS oF sLyThErIn::.
brought to you by Quizilla

SAG Awards

The Screen Actors' Guild Awards was on TV yesterday. My brain was mush from having written close to 8000 words, so I was in just the right state to watch it.

But evin my stupour, this show managed to irritate the hell out of me. Reason? Here's a sample acceptance speech:

"Oh my God! Um... Thank you! Um... I don't know what to say... umm... I want to thank so many people... umm.. I mean.. ummm.. this is amazing! Um..."

AAARRGGGHH! This, btw, was pretty much Hilary Swank's speech. I don't mind the endless thanking - not much, because it's kind of expected. But is it really too much to expect that someone nominated for an award be slightly prepared to say something in a mildly coherent manner up on stage?

It wasn't just Hilary, though. There were exceptions - Jamie Foxx was good, and Julie Andrews had certainly mugged up her piece well. But almost everybody else, from Mel Gibson to Clint Eastwood to the president of the Screen Actors' Guild (Melanie somebody, I forget her name) messed up their speeches.

Clint Eastwood nearly forgot the name of his own movie - but that could be nerves, so it's OK. But the rest of what he was saying was completely ungrammatical and incoherent. How nuts is that?

Mel Gibson - don't even get me started on him. He was shaking up there on stage, his neck was twitching, he didn't know what to do with himself or his hands or his legs, and you could just see him trying to remember what to say next.

And then the President of SAG. Now - you'd expect her to be prepared, right? She knows she's got to speak, so you'd expect her to rehearse a bit, and get used to being on stage a bit, right? But there she was, stumbling over her words just like everyone else... with less excuse than any of them. Also, here's a paraphrased snippet of her speech:

"The SAG Awards are being broadcast to U.S. soldiers all around the world. I
hope they get some rest from their dangerous task, watching this show."

Gah. I don't know whether to call it condescending or madly arrogant or plain dumb. Yeah, female, be proud that you've brought some mindless little joy into the soldiers' sad lives. :P

Would it really be so hard for these ultra rich people to hire a public speaking coach for things like this? I guess it really is true that the number one thing that people fear is speaking in public - I never used to believe that statistic before.

--------------

Alright, two full weeks after the Prologue went up, Chapter 1 of my HP story is finally up on Madame Maxime's. :) Leave me your thoughts!

Yucko!

First they tell us they're considering Elizabeth Hurley to play Bellatrix Lestrange in the Goblet of Fire movie. My initial reaction was a flabbergasted NO! Then I realised - Bella has vestiges of the Black family's good looks. And Liz Hurley can be evil... just look at her Devil or devil-variant roles. So I think - awesome. In a very morbid way, I'm looking forward to her putting on her baby voice and going, "Come out and play, baby Harry!" *shiver*

So... then they cut Julie Walters (Molly Weasley) from the movie. I was so-so with that - my hatred for the Order of the Phoenix Molly nicely balances my love for her fantastic line in GoF to Ron, who has just vowed never to wear his frilly dress robes:

"Fine. Go naked. And Harry, dear, do try to get a picture, because goodness knows I could do with a laugh."

And now they tell us that Viktor Krum gets some lip action on with Hermione in the Yule Ball sequence. BLEARGH! What is that all about? Are we supposed to think 'Her-my-own-ninny' finds Vicky that charming? O.o

Earthsea Attacks

The boyfriend had an awesome dream about Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (which he insists on calling "Fresh Blood Prince"). He told me about it, and I wrote a story, more or less following the plot in his dream. Crazy story it turned out to be... I've just submitted it to the Quill.

Last night, I had a HBP dream of my own. I was back at home with my parents and my sister, and we were fighting about who gets to read the sole copy of HBP first - and then we suddenly had two copies and we stopped fighting.

I was halfway through reading the book when I realised it wasn't even a Harry Potter story. It was getting increasingly weird, and people were travelling to different planets in it. Then I looked at the cover of the book for the first time, and realised it was actually an Ursula K. LeGuin cleverly disguised as a Harry Potter book - when I looked closely at the author name, it said "Ursula K. LeGuin" in very fine print.

Then I went online and e-mailed warnings to all the HP fansites I frequent, saying there are fake HBPs floating out there which are actually written by Ursula K. LeGuin. But all these sites had been taken over by Ursula, and they featured comments like, "I don't know why people even bother to read Harry Potter, they're junk". (Which, BTW, that awful female actually did say - I don't remember the exact quote, though.)

It turned out I was the sole remaining HP fan in the world, and everybody else's brain had been taken over by Ursula. Then my psychology professor floated into the dream and told me I was showing unmistakable signs of paranoid schizophrenia. Which I was, I suppose. At this point, I woke up.

I have the weirdest dreams. (Which is the cue for you guys to start competing with me to tell me about your own, even weirder, nightly jaunts.)

Ad Infinitum

Fact: the average beauty magazine has 120 pages altogether, out of which 90 are devoted to outright advertisements.

Huh.

Fact: the Contents page of the average beauty magazine appears on a page numbered '1', but is actually 9 pages into the magazine itself.

I've always thought it's the hardest page to find.

Fact: The ads that appear on numberless pages are the most expensive ones, because of the high probability that they will be seen.

Who cares if readers are left floundering for the page numbers, right?