Writing Thought of the Day: Dream Writing Software

Writers, much like programmers, often take a perverse pride in using the most low-tech methods to do their work. Hand-coding 10,000 lines on Notepad? You're a MAN. Writing your whole novel on the backs of paper napkins with lipstick? MACHO MAN.

So I might as well tell you I'm a little girl in pigtails by that standard. I work in the most haphazard fashion imaginable. I have a notebook slowly filling up with thoughts, little notes, character sketches, drawings (I use the word in its most liberal sense) and whole scenes. My word processing machine has a bunch of different text files for thoughts, notes, character sketches and whole scenes. I have a text file containing thoughts, little notes, character sketches and whole scenes. There's a collection of little text files generated by an excellent piece of software I use, YWriter, containing... more of the same. And I couldn't live without any of these.

Sometimes I dream of being a spiffy, organised writer. For this, I would need to have spiffy, organisational writing softare that would simultaneously update all the files on my computer, word processor and my notebooks. (Just go with me here.) here's how it would be organised. I'd get a list of character names at the side of my screen at all times. Remembering those pesky names is the worst - even my main characters' last names change from chapter to chapter, and don't even ask about middle names or minor characters. I tried to rectify this once by giving my characters names that mean something - you know, Greek and Latin roots and all that - but I ended up with stuff like "Migan" and "Persephone". Stuff I could never type with a straight face.

Anyway. So, list of character names showing on screen (or page) at all times. Now, I don't want archives. For God's sake, don't store 20 different versions of the same scene "just in case", all stamped by date and time - this is the one annoying thing about YWriter, especially if you tend to edit yourself a lot. I was two chapters into the novel and the folder was 600KB! Two past versions and one current is plenty.

Plus, I want multiple editable fields - not just the part where I'm actually writing the scene, but little boxes all over for notes that constantly pop up in your head. Oh, and the software must MAKE me file the notes away in an appropriate spot (so it shows up when I'm working on the chapter it refers to, say) immediately. Otherwise that's just another random note lost.

And while we're wishing, can I ask for thought-activated writing? All bigtime writers talk about the novel "writing itself", and I'm beginning to think this is the only way I'll ever now what that's about.

Do I see a magic wand in the crowd..?

Haiku Reviews

Chameli
Like hooker, like plot:
Both wander. But Kareena
didn't suck, at least.

Maximum City
Stories of choking
city full of roiled lives,
perfectly rendered.

Dune Series
Stupid messiah
story doesn't get better
with re-read. I checked.

The Iron Giant
Metal monster chomps
his way to instant stardom.
Charming little flick.

Master and Commander
Like reading about
ships, guns, scurvy etc.
in minute detail?

Enemy at the Gates
War scaled down to two
smart men - flopped just 'coz it's set
in Russia. For shame!

The Iron Dragon's Daughter
Either this is crap -
pretentious and boring, or
I just don't get it.

Godmother
Guns, gangsters, intrigue -
nothing can save this movie.
Shabana wasted.

The Purloined Paperweight (aka Company for Henry)
Bits of plot and bits
of people snagged from other
books. Dude, what happened?

Writing Thought of the Day: Gravitational Fields of Manuscripts

Beginnings are the hardest.

There's MM, a novel that I'm about halfway through revising. And there's Untitled, a novel outline I began developing today for NaNoWriMo. The inclination to keep working on MM rather than face Untitled is overwhelming. It is as if, by virtue of having accumulated pages and pages worth of words, the MM manuscript manages to keep me in its orbit. Manuscripts, my friends, have gravitational fields.

Poor Untitled, on the other hand, is at the stage where its sole power is the ability to freeze even the most stouthearted in the headlights of Infinite Possibility. The brave writer wanders onto the road of Plot or Character, maybe, with a glimmer of an idea. Hey, what if a little girl found a dragon's egg and hatched it in her fireplace?

Instantly, the writer hears the distant rumbles of... is that a truck? Hmm. Dragons are so... cliche. Find a different animal, for god's sake, aren't you supposed to be creative? It could be anything... a lion-boy. A giant snake. A monkey-hedgehog. Anything.

A girl? Really? Female heroines are becoming such a cliche in the Fantasy genre. But boys are cliche, too... thanks to Harry Potter.

And Fantasy?? What the hell are YOU doing entertaining the notion of writing a FANTASY?!

The Steamroller of Possibilities rumbles onward, and the poor brave writer frozen in his tracks eventually gets... steamrollered.

It doesn't have to be that way. In my head is always the litany:

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer...

... Oops, wrong litany.

The one will put you on a rocket strong enough to escape the gravitational field of the near-finished manuscript is:

I'm not really writing this novel. Just playing around with ideas. It's never going to get written, really. I can have as many stupid, cliched, hack-ish ideas I want, no one will ever know. I'm not really writing this novel.

Diversion of the Day

Whether you're looking for revenge against celebrities that look too perfect or you just like fiddling with faces, this site sure is fun. The trick to getting the funniest results, I think, is to channel a plastic surgeon in reverse, making the tiniest possible changes to get freaky results.

My efforts at manipulation -


The Original



Spot the Differences

Read This

Not so much pimping my husband's blog as wanting to say the exact same things combined with a laziness to retype it: read Saurabh's blog on Silence of the Lambs and other scary movies.

I must add that I found The Ring pretty scary - that one scene (you know the one I'm talking about) is almost worth watching the movie for. And I completely second the recommendation of the original Wicker Man - crazy, excellent, very daring movie, especially by Hollywood standards.

The Shining Future of Customer Service

Good service, to CEOs, seems to mean: as machine-like as possible. I have just spoken to the most ridiculously impersonal "live" representative from Overstock.com. This is a transcript of the chat -

Tiffany: Thank you for visiting Overstock.com. How may I help you today?

Wendelin: my order no. 8289xxxx has not arrived yet. The order was placed on 20 Aug 2006 and supposedly shipped on 22nd Aug - it's been more than 3 weeks! USPS can't track this item, so I think you need to put up a trace or send me a replacement.

Wendelin: My name is [Wendelin], and my billing address is 007 James Bond St, MI5, etc. The contents of my order: DVDs of Ferris Bueller, Pulp Fiction, Sunset Boulevard and a book titled "echo of the big bang".

Tiffany: Hi there.
(Notice how much stuff I managed to type while she was working up the hello.)

Wendelin: Could you please be quick about this? You can skip the hello's and sorrys and thank you's, I am in a hurry.

Tiffany: I'm sorry to hear that you never received your order.
(And so it begins.)

Tiffany: I'll be glad to check that information for you.

Tiffany: We value your time. Let me check that for you.

Tiffany: For security purposes, may I ask you to verify the name and billing address on your account?

Wendelin: I already DID

Tiffany: I'm sorry.

Tiffany: Let me check that.

Wendelin: I am trying to save us time - I have verified my name, billing address and order contents. Please don't ask me to verify the order contents now.

Tiffany: Thank you for confirming the details, Wendelin.
(Hurry UP, bitch!)

Tiffany: Just to re-confirm, you are referring to the 'Pulp Fiction (Collector's Edition) (DVD)', 'Echo of the Big Bang', 'Sunset Boulevard (DVD)' and 'Ferris Bueller's Day Off - Bueller... Bueller... Edition (SE/DVD)', am I correct?

Wendelin: OH MY GOD, did I not JUST type out all my order contents??? Am I talking to a person or a computer??

Tiffany: I'm sorry you felt that way.

Tiffany: I'm a live person.
(Allow me to entertain strong doubts.)

Tiffany: Thank you for confirming the products.

Wendelin: I also JUST said: PLEASE DON'T ASK ME AGAIN ABOUT THE ORDER. Did you read it?

Tiffany: In reviewing your account information, I see that you have placed this order on 08-20-2006 and was shipped to you on 08-22-2006 via USPS.
(Jesus. H. Christ.)

Tiffany: And it is beyond the shipping timeframe.
(You don't say.)

Wendelin: I know that. Can you track the order? If you can't, can you replace it?

Tiffany: I'm sorry the USPS wouldn't update the tracking details until the delivery of the items.
(Mya I let my attention wander, since you haven't told me anything since we started 20 minutes ago?)

Tiffany: What best I can do is setup trace for these items for replacement.
(Yes! I think she's finally caught up to the first thing I said.)!

Wendelin: How long will this take?

Tiffany: The trace will be completed in 4 business days.
(Wonder of wonders, a straight, quick answer.)

Wendelin: OK, put the trace on.

Tiffany: Once the trace is completed it takes 1-4 business days for the replacement order to leave the warehouse and 2-15 business days to reach you.

Tiffany: May I go ahead and set up a trace with the carrier, Wendelin?

Wendelin: ...

Tiffany: I have set up a trace for you. You will soon get an email confirming it. If we cannot find the package, we will ship you a replacement in 1-4 business days and the order will reach you in 2-15 business days.

Wendelin: ...

Wendelin: OK. Sorry I was rude to you, but you have got to stop behaving like a machine.

Tiffany: I really appreciate your patience and understanding in this issue.

Tiffany: It was nice chatting with you.

Tiffany: Thank you again for visiting Overstock.com. Have a great day!

Wendelin: No it wasn't, don't lie. Good God, they do rule you with an iron fist, don't they? What does it take to make you deviate from your script?

Tiffany: We always feel happy when talking to customer.

Tiffany: Because we know that they contact us with an issue.

Tiffany: I never felt bad, however, I understood your concern.
(I give up.)

Wendelin: fine. you win. thanks. bye.

Tiffany: Thank you, bye. Wendelin.

The Look

... is a work in progress, obviously. I'm keeping the 3 column layout, but everything else is up for rehauling.

Everything - even the content. I'm turning this into a writing blog, and am debating whether or not to keep old posts. What say you people?

OK

Why is every post showing up twice?

Edit: fixed.

Edit: Checking to see if post summaries work - Here's some text you didn't see before! Nope, it doesn't. Goddamn it.

I'm trying out the Beta Blogger

Hmm.

Thoughts later.