Why didn't I think of this?

Every so often, along comes a piece of work that makes me kick myself silly for not thiking of it first.

This essay is one such. It seems there is actual, concrete, canon evidence for the good ship Harry/Ginny, after all... and it is not the three year crush that Ginny harboured.

The Quill never disappoints.

Dude, Where's My Scar?

It's been a long time since we saw what Harry's really famous for...

Blah. This guy gets less and less like the Harry in my head every day. Pity. He's finally starting to do slightly better acting.

And what does the Harry (and the Ron and the Hermione, especially) in my head look like? Try this on for size:

Also thought I'd rec my newest fanart Find: and I mean ever bit of the capitalisation. Not every day that you come across something like this.

For example, this is the best depiction of the Founders that I have ever seen:

Nice, no? The artist is called Anneth Lagamo. I also love her Luna, this Harry-Remus canon scene, this non-canon battle scene, her depiction of the men of the Order, and best of all, this amazing canon-scene picture titled "The Children of the Prophecy". That last one blew me away.

Literary Character Meme

You're Elizabeth Bennett of Pride and Prejudice by
Jane Austen!

Which Classic Female Literary Character Are you?
brought to you by

Unhappy Admissions About Life and Stuff

Okay, it's time to admit it: traditional methods just aren't getting the job done for me, as far as getting to the gym and exercising are concerned. They should be; I don't know why they're not; but it seems like I'm always coming up with excuses for why I'm not going to go today. I don't like that this is the case, but I don't know how to change it without radically changing the way I think about it, and I'm not sure I know how to do that either.

So I'm breaking out the big guns.

Starting today I am going into an extinction policy; if I engage in the negative behavior (not exercising), I lose a positive stimulus (all Internet access for the rest of the day).

So if you don't see this blog getting updated, that's probably why.

Spork Request

It seems I have a stalker. Kinda. Only, this stalker is more like spammy junk mail that follows you around like Mary's lamb in cyberspace, advertising the whiteness of its fleece. (And, as you can tell, my mood today leans towards bizarre similies.)

Vaibhav, I think, this man calls himself. Writes short stories and stuff on a blog called kissay. You've seen his comments here: multiple posts asking people to pretty please, come read his stuff. What a pain.

On Saturday I left a comment on his blog asking him not to spam me. He responded by informing me that since I was being so polite, he would continue to leave comments informing me of every update. Sweet of him.

As I see it, I can do one of two things:

(a) Ignore him
(b) Spork him

(a) is convenient, (b) is fun. So I'll do both. (b) first and (a) next.

And here goes my official request to you guys. Take a minute of your time. Visit this poor creature's blog. Comment freely. Do not contrain yourselves to the rules of charitability.

He literally asked for it.

And then we can all go back to ignoring the man in peace.

Movie Review: Million Dollar Baby

Watch it.

It's turned into Oscar gold for everyone associated with it, and you need to know what the hype is all about when they're talking about Clint Eastwood's amazing performance, and Hillary Swank's amazing performance, and Morgan Freeman's amazing performance.

And make no mistake, these performances are great.

What irks me, however, is how such an appalling script ever got made into a movie.

I like a story that doesn't put its seams on display; as a writer, I work hard to conceal the places where I stitch my plot threads together and where, usually out of dire necessity, I use a standard plot device, I modify the heck out of it. I tend to expect the same of Hollywood-standard - hell, Oscar-standard - script writers. So shoot me.

Million Dollar Baby serves up a trite plot, at best. Or maybe it's a succession of trite plots. A crusty old boxing coach refuses to train a girl, because at 31, she's already 'too old', and because she's a girl. The girl does an Ekalavya stunt and manages to win over the boxing coach's trusted friend, and eventually impresses the old coach himself. Puh-leeeeeeeeeeeeze. How often has it been done before? Isn't it the plot of, oh, almost every darn sports movie? (Racing Stripes, Karate Kid I, even a part of Kill Bill II.)

And so we move on. Girl manages to win spectacularly at all the tournaments, and finally, she is about to fight a title match.

*******************SPOILER WARNING*********************

At the title match, she's knocked about by a champion who's famous for playing dirty. She falls, and breaks her neck on her chair at the corner of the ring, which has, for mysterious reasons, been left there turned sideways.

And that's when the second plot thread kicks in. Now the girl is a paraplegic, paralysed from neck down. All she can do is speak. She begs the old coach to please, please put her out of her misery, because she can't possibly bear it if she begins to "forget the cheering of the crowds".

The old coach wrestles with it a bit, purely for show, and kills her off.

End of story.

Subplots? Only a semblance, pathetic excuses for characters who disappear promptly after serving their allotted purpose in the main plot.

Morgan Freeman does nothing after he convinces Clint Eastwood to coach the girl - but because he's such an important 'side' character, he gets a bit of rounding off: he starts the movie thinking he's finished as a boxer, but somewhere around the middle of the movie, he knocks out a gym bully, and says something to the effect of "I've still got it in me." That's it. Trite-o-rama, or what?

Other subplots... oh God. Clint Eastwood has a priest he talks to, primarily to express his views on religion and thereby provoke a media debate, I expect. (The ploy worked.) He also writes weekly letters to his daughter, who sends back his letters unopened. So underdeveloped are these two threads that we don't even know why Eastwood goes to church (the pastor once guesses it's because he's looking for forgiveness, but hey, that's just a wild guess), and we don't even know what Eastwood did to his daughter that she's so angry with him. What a copout! I can think of a hundred things a father can do to his daughter which would justify her wanting to have nothing to do with him. But no - the old coach is such a victim, such a victim. Poor coach.

Then there's the whole euthanasia part of it. I, for one, can't imagine how anybody would even think to give in to the death wish of someone who has recently been through such a traumatic experience. Not that I believe euthanasia should be illegal, or even that suicide should be illegal: no way. But I do know that people suffering from depression often have a death wish: one that disappears as soon as the depression is gone.

And don't even try to argue with me that Hilary Swank's death wish is a permanent one. Even if it is, we never do test that theory, because the movie is in such a hurry to kill her off. Let's look at the facts, shall we?

1. She isn't in any pain.
2. She isn't going to die.
3. She can think clearly, see clearly, hear clearly and talk clearly.
4. Her medical expenses are being paid for by the Boxing Commission or whatever.

The odds of her finding something interesting to do with the rest of her life are overwhelmingly huge. Cases in point: Stephen Frickin' Hawking, who's doing spectacular things without even being able to talk; Christopher Reeve; Helen Keller.

And even for someone whose only love is boxing (i.e. she doesn't want to go to college, she doesn't want to do social work and raise awareness about spinal injuries, she doesn't want to simply sit and read all her life), there are some things that are possible: she could be a coach! She could be a motivational what-not for boxers! She could be a commentator - sure, she's white trash and sounds like it, but she is a major figure in women's boxing!

But no-oooo, she wants to die, and she wants it now, waaaaah! And pseudo-daddy is going to indulge her merest whim. Never mind that it makes him a murderer.

So much for the plot. What about the gaping logical holes and the unrealistic plot devices that pepper the movie?

1. The kind of freewheeling basher-upper portrayed by the woman who knocks out Hilary Swank does not exist - for the simple reason that there are rules in boxing, too. A foul like the one she commits wouldn't result in a point getting knocked off her score, it would result in her expulsion from the boxing community forever, in addition to penalties for damages and such. I mean, one moment you're watching a boxing match, and the next, a World Wrestling Federation fight breaks out. I half expected a boxer to pick up a folding chair and smash the other fighter over the head with it.

2. Hilary Swank starts off her boxing career with 12 straight knockouts in the first round of every match. Right. The odds of that happening are the same as yours truly refusing a plate of curly fries (mmmmm) 12 times in a row. Could happen, but not really.

3. Chairs are never kept within the ring when the fight is on. When they are, they are always upright. No exceptions. The sideways chair is purely an insane "let's-hope-nobody-notices" device for Hilary Swank to break her neck.

4. Speaking of which, does anyone know if it's even possible to get such a major spinal injury from falling neck-first into a flimsy plastic chair?

5. Shouldn't heart-rate monitors and such start raising heaven and earth if a patient dies? But no, chance complies neatly with Eastwood to allow him to make a clean getaway after his deed is done. So the nurse on duty went to get coffee. What about the person she told she was going to get coffee? Wouldn't this person have noticed something?

6. Swank has to have a leg lopped off because of gangrene caused by bedsores. Isn't that criminally bad patient care in what is supposed to be a first rate facility?

7. Eastwood allegedly "helps" Swank because she can't do it herself. Eh? We can assume, just from seeing the cars on the street in the movie, that this is post-1990. All Swank has to do to die is to ask. No kidding. Court rulings in the 90s say that a person who uses a vent can request the vent be shut off, and the staff will give them a sedative and shut the vent off just as they start to lose consciousness. It's that simple. It's already all legal. We've seen it play out too many times already in real life. So what's this "Frankie helps Maggie die" about? Why is it part of the script?

The movie makes a deeply satisfying experience out of a murder/suicide. I hate to say this, but Jack Kevorkian would be happy.

HP Stuff

It gives me pleasure to say: I told you so.

And you people, oi. Don't go pretending you like

(a) HP fanfic and
(b) me

if you're not going to read my work. :P

Just kidding. (Or perhaps not.)

Dang!

Ah, my poor dashed hopes.

This was a good test though, way less transparent than any other test I've taken. Nothing like: "Which animal do you like: Lion, Badger, Raven or Snake?"

:P

Squib You scored 24% Slytherin, 44% Ravenclaw, 36% Gryffindor, and 12% Hufflepuff!

Are you sure that you belong at Hogwarts? You show no defined personal characteristics and therefore no house preference. Perhaps you should seriously consider a lucrative career in dentistry or tax preparation -- or allow the Sorting Hat to redetermine your place at a later date.

It's Like They're Always Stuck in Second Gear

"Wait, wait, wait," said Harry. "Something seems odd about this. You two," he said, pointing at Ron and Hermione, "are in a relationship that fate seems compelled to make impossible every couple of months."

"Right," said Ron, not knowing what Harry was talking about.

"I am currently dating your sister, who is the best friend of your girlfriend."

"Right...?"

"Meanwhile we're all friends with a blonde that lives on a different level of reality and I have a dim-if-loveable roommate?"

"What about it, Harry?"

Harry placed his coffee mug on a nearby table. "Could this be any more familiar?"

Wedding Blog: An Embarrassment of Riches

The last time I spoke to my mom, she told me she'd gone jewellery shopping with the boyfriend's mom.

I mean, how cool is that? They're getting along... yay!

But before I could celebrate too much, mummy dearest dumped the next load of Heavy-Thought Provoking Information on my head. This hadn't happened for almost three weeks at this point - and I should have known it was too good to last.

She told me what jewellery she'd bought for me.

I'd rather not go into a lot of detail here, thanks very much, but for the purposes of conveying what I need to convey to get on with the post, let me just say rubies and emeralds figured into it. And gold, of course. Gold's the star of the show.

I feel like the frickin' Queen of Sheba. Except, perhaps, that the Queen of Sheba actually wanted her camels laden with peacocks, ivory and apes, whereas I will probably never wear the said items of jewellery ever again after the wedding.

Not that it isn't totally sweet of my parents to do this. It's tradition and whatnot, too, and I - I used up my iconoclasm quota wrt this wedding a long time ago, so I'm not even going to try to do anything about it.

But... you know... it's hard not to get a bit freaked when your fiance suggests that maybe we should buy a safe (yes, an actual safe), because all of a sudden, we have valuables.

Speaking of my fiance, let me assure you: if he's ever referred to me as 'my lady' - let alone 'Dear Madam' - in all of nearly seven years that I have known him, I'll eat my substantial stock of jewellery. Methinks the man fancies himself British, 'my dear' and all.

:P

(And that, dear, is an outed tongue.)

On the Wagon

Well, well, my pretties. Lookie what Wendelin the Weird has done - pre-ordered HBP on Amazon.ca, finally!

Also got meself my long awaited GoF along with this. I cannae live any longer without the missing link in me series!

*celebrates*

HOLY @%$#

-------SPOILER WARNING. DO NOT EVEN LOOK AT THIS POST IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW. CHITRA, THIS MEANS YOU!-------

So it's out. I can hardly handle the overload of information here .... and I don't think there has ever been a HP book cover that has given so much away. AIAIAIAIAIAI!

So. Dumbledore is the Half-Blood Prince. I was half-right... I had my money on Aberforth. Damn. It changes a few things in my fic-in-progress.

And we can expect a big, fiery battle scene with Harry fighting alongside Dumbledore, of course. It's going to be spectacular... I can't wait for it. And it does look like Dumbledore and Harry are going to see more of each other, that in this book at least, Dumbledore isn't going to be relegated to the role of the explainer-of-it-all at the end. I like the idea. I love the idea. Harry and Dumbledore have some apologising to do to each other, and a lot of relationship-building, too.

I wonder about the colours in this cover: red and gold, more so than simply fire. Something to do with the power of Gryffindor? It would certanly be apt in the war against the heir of Slytherin.

Artanis was right, too - you don't even have to look closely to see the sign around Dumbledore's neck. You know. The one that says, "Hello. I'm dying in this book."

Ah, so the Pensieve is going to be major in this book... For OotP, the U.S. cover featured a scene from the Ministry of Magic - the room with the blue candles - and that turned out to be the climax. I wonder if a pensieve scene will be the climax of HBP? If so, it's bound to be apt; certainly, Harry getting some answers from the past also means that it will be something long overdue. I don't know whether or not to be hopeful that Dumbledore is with Harry in this scene... Maybe JKR has a most unusual death in store for Dumbledore? Maybe he's going to die while in the pensieve, or while trying to protect Harry while he is in the pensieve?

Another minor mystery solved! Harry is going to take Advanced Potions in his 6th year - somehow or the other. He might manage an Outstanding in his Potions OWL somehow, to Snape's consternation. He might get 'special treatment' again, and take the class in spite of Snape's objections - which will be interesting to watch, what with the already fever-pitch animosity between the two. Or, Snape might get the DADA Teacher job (or be otherwise unavailable to teach Potions) - which is sort of my pet theory.

If Snape is DADA teacher, though, then there's something horrible coming to him by the end of the book. Death? I really, really hope not. In fact, I'd rather have Dumbledore die than Snape, simply because there are so many questions left unanswered about him... But it's going to be hell for Harry if Dumbledore dies. Gah. Not like JKR didn't warn us.

Also, Mugglenet features this quote by Arthur Levine, an editor for Scholastic: "There is to be a new Minister for Magic. We learn much more about Voldemort. No information revealed on whether Snape will be the Half-Blood Prince. HBP will be an intense book, but with light-hearted moments."

Let's see. New Mnister for Magic? Knew that already, and also that it's not Arthur Weasley. Amelia Bones, perhaps. Or someone new. Who knows? I'm betting it isn't Percy, though. :)

Much more about Voldemort: sort of knew that. She did say in the March 15th chat that we learn more about the circumstances of his birth. My guess (and I'll bet on this) is that this is the famous First Chapter of Book 6 that's been brewing for 13 years. What could it be, though? Something that shows how Voldemort lost the capacity to love - like a curse or something? Something his mother did to him when he was born, to 'protect' him? Whoa, that's an idea! (Hands off, I'm going to write a fic about this, I think!)

Snape as the HBP? Never thought so, and the covers of Book 6 do strongly hint that it's Dumbledore...

Intense book with light-hearted moments? It's JKR - what did you expect?

Jeez, now I totally can't wait for July 16th!

A Most Unusual Snape

This one's for Chewie: Sigune's The Dark Night of the Soul. Sigune's Snape is unlike any I've ever encountered in fanon... and yet he fits canon perfectly. You have to read it to know how cool it is to meet so different a take on this man's character.

And while I'm at it, may I also rec Prplhez8's For Whom the Bell Tolls - featuring George Weasley and a beautifully written Katie Bell.

That's all.

How many lighbulbs does it take to get me sick of lightbulb jokes?

The Funny Ones:

Q: How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.

Q: How many Zen Buddhists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to screw it in and one not to screw it in.

Q: How many college football players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, and he gets three credits for it.

The Punny Ones

Q: How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two - the trick is getting them in there!

~Subset: The Funny Punny Ones

Q: How many hamsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, but they have to be very small.

Q: How many Alchemists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Into what?

The Boring Ones

Q: How many boring people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One.

The Techie Ones

Q: How many people does it take to change an object-oriented light bulb?
A: Change it? Aw shucks, I was going to reuse it.

Q: How many software designers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: That's a hardware problem.

Q: How many system administrators does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they just deny everyone access to the room.

The Religious Ones

Q: How many atheists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. Atheists can't see the light anyway.

Q: How many Christians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three, but they're really one.

The Crazy Ones

Q: How many carpenters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Fuck you! That's the electrician's job.

Q: How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Ve are asking ze qvestions here!

The Morbid Ones

Q: How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: As many as is necessary to make a pile high enough to reach the bulb.

Aborted Oscars Post

I was going to write a witty, incisive post deconstructing the awards, fashions and personages at the Oscars, but I find I don't care enough. I have work to do.

I must say, though, that Renee Zellweger looked horrible. What is up with the swollen face?!