Letters To Mostly Imaginary Entities

Dear Perpetual Mower Of The Lawn Outside My Apartment,

I wonder if you are aware that -
(a) We are currently well into the month of November
(b) All this cursed grass is three-quarters dead anyway and
(c) What's left will be under six inches of snow before the month is out.

If you will insist on making that bloody racket, kindly consider this your official three-minute notice for impending manual strangulation.

No Love,
Your Neighbour

Dear Mystery Gift To My Husband On His Birthday,

Why so shy? It's all right to make yourself known to me. This game of hide and seek is getting old, and it's no use hinting to me that you're somewhere in my mind. It's a big place, you know.

Come out, come out wherever you are!

love,
Wendelin

Dear Chapter 14:

You wanna play hard to get? Go ahead. I'm up for it. It's on, baby.

Sincerely,
Your soon-to-be-author

Dear Secret Stuff I'm Making For The Birthday,

You'd better turn out good, OR ELSE.

Regards,
Your Maker

PS: pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease... come on...

Dear Other Work I'm Supposed To Do This Week,

You know you're screwed, right? Just checking. I don't like it when either one of us is deluded.

Best wishes,
Wendelin