Paris: The Highlights (Part 1)

I've been intending to do this for ages, and what better time than a Friday night, when, as usual, I'm sitting here unwilling to work, unable to amuse myself? So here goes.

Vive La France, Or, Veevay Lay Freeoinsz

The first thing the you need to know when visiting France is that you're not visiting France. You're going to "Fraauonsz". Similar calisthenics of the tongue and throat are also required if you wish to say you're visiting Paris. First, shape your entire mouth as if you're about to speak French (Fraauonszay), because it's futile to attempt to say the word with your tongue geared for English. Now say "Pah", then clear your throat as disgustingly as you can, then say "Rhee", and clear your throat again, i.e. pah-hkhxrxhr-rhee-khrx.

Whenever you see a name, a sign, a word in Fraauonsz, try, as far as possible, to pronounce it not the way it's written. This means, of course, that you will essentially be hitting random syllables, and this knowledge will give you a sense of complacent relief: might as well run with anything if you're never going to get it. Before long you'll be saying "sakkre khara" for Sacre Coeur (Kannada in-joke; literally, "sugar spice"), and you'll be having fun. Also, this approach to French pronounciation allows you to feel profound jubilation when, in the throes of cosmic coincidence, you get something right.

Architecture Wars

Which do you prefer, architecturally speaking: Le Basilique Du Sacre Coeur (here are some other views) or the Notre Dame, which looks like this from the side and this from the back, this from the front?

I firmly believe that the answer indicates your basic nature as a human being. Are you the type that likes everything neat and orderly and *together*, or are you a freewheeling, hodgepodge, last-minute sort of person with Bohemian inclinations?

Saurabh and I spent an inordinate amount of time simply having the following conversation:

Me: Notre Dame is so damn interesting. Best building, hands down.
Saurabh: Tchah, Sacre Coeur is so amazing. You're a horrible judge of buildings.
Me: No I'm not.
Saurabh: Yes you are.
Me: No I'm not.
Saurabh: Yes you are. (Ad infinitum)

... to be continued.