Vagueness sucks

I'm a closet un-leader. I'm happiest when people are telling me what to do, and if by happy chance it happens to be something I want to do, interesting and fun and whatnot, yay! If not, at least I don't have to stare into the void of mind numbing possibilities for action and wonder what on earth I should be doing at any given moment. My mind, you see, shows no inclination to pick one calling to be interested in and focused on. Almost everything in the world sounds so completely intriguing. Well, almost - I wouldn't pick painting or anything, though I must confess I sat and read through an art magazine called "Water Colours" cover to cover the last time I went to the library.

Anyway, my current gripe is with the *stupid* topic they've set me for an essay: "Challenges to growth and prosperity". I know from past experience that anything from quirky surrealistic creative writing to deeply boring discourses on globalisation are acceptable. To make matters worse, my entry doesn't even need to be an essay: it can be a video, a piece of art, a presentation... I do believe they'd accept epic poems and dance pieces as long as they stayed within the word and time limit. It's like my worst nightmare - one I've actually had, you know, when I was a kid and lollipops represented the height of fantasy. All the adults I've ever known were standing in line holding one of a different shape and colour, and I had to pick one. I used to just go on and on and on down the line (some adults appeared more than once in the line, to accommodate me), and keep going on and on till I woke up tearing my hair out.

I've read psychology books wondering where this quirk comes from and all they did was tell me the obvious: I have this need for making perfect choices, which of course can only be made after considering *all* the possibilities. A more severe case of this quirk would make me obsessive compulsive, the kind of person that mutters to herself, listing out all the possible colours and fabrics bath towels are available in as she walks through the store. As for me, I'm trying the jab-and-pick therapy. Which means I close my eyes and let myself loose in the library to pick out a book. Chances are, it's about something to do with *some* challenge to *somebody's* growth and prosperity... then I'll be all set.